Film 3:5 Snakes on a Plane

Ezekial 25:18  And you will know my ass in serious credit card debt, because I take roles based on the wigs I get to wear.

This motherfucking movie should have been motherfucking better.  I motherfucking expected this motherfucker to motherfucking be over the top.  But there is a motherfucking limit to what I will motherfucking accept in the name of motherfucking cinematic entertainment.  A motherfucking drug dealer tries to motherfucking execute his witness by setting loose motherfucking venomous snakes on a motherfucking airplane with the assumption that nobody could motherfucking trace it back to his motherfucking ass.  Are you motherfucking for real?  And sure, it was motherfucking amusing to see motherfucking snakes just eating up on motherfuckers.  But I had to wait thirty or forty motherfucking minutes until motherfucking snakes motherfucking attacked the motherfuckers.  And yes, Samuel Motherfucking “Motherfucker” Jackson is a cool motherfucker.  I got no motherfucking problem with that.  But honestly, after the initial motherfucking volley of motherfucking snakes has gone past, it’s about as motherfucking interesting as counting how many motherfucking times I have to motherfucking say motherfucker in this motherfucking post to motherfucking make my point.  Yeah, we got a motherfucking snake eat on a motherfucking tittie, and we got a motherfucking snake eat on a dude’s motherfucking cock, and we got a motherfucking snake climbing up a motherfucking fat lady’s motherfucking hoo-hah.  It’s like the motherfucking pervert screenwriting motherfucker was trying to think of the most motherfucking ways to have motherfucking snakes bite people on their motherfucking junk.  I laughed one motherfucking time, when this motherfucking jerk motherfucker threw a little motherfucking dog at a boa constrictor to get motherfucking eaten.  But the motherfucking laughs and motherfucking action were too few and motherfucking far between.  And the motherfucking motherfuckers acting in this motherfucker just sucked.  Not that the motherfuckers were bad motherfucking actors, or that I expected them to motherfucking be more than motherfucking snake fodder for a motherfucking horror movie body motherfucking count.  But they were seriouisly motherfucking pulled out of the Lazy Motherfucking Screenwriter’s Catalog of Stock Motherfucking Characters and Menagerie. Otherwise, this motherfucking movie was a little too motherfucking reminscent of motherfucking Turbulence with Ray Motherfucking Liotta.  And Lauren “I Used to Be Jim Carrey’s Motherfucking Squeeze” Holly.  And when you are comparing yourself to that motherfucking direct to video shit, you know you have entered a whole motherfucking world of motherfucking terribleosity.  See that?  I had to motherfucking look up a motherfucking word in the motherfucking Bectionary to cover my ass.  Sheeeeeeeit. 

I will say there was one other motherfucking time I laughed.  And that was finding out that motherfucking HBO motherfucking included this motherfucking movie as part of motherfucking Black History Month.  Ain’t that just a motherfucker?