The Gospel According to Prisco

I Love You, Beth Cooper by Larry Doyle

I loved this book so much.  Oh, Jeebus, not only was it a rapid fire read, but it was so much fun.  Every chapter is headed with a quote and an illustration of our hero’s head during the progression of the storey.  The quotes are all from high school comedies, attributed to the characters from such faire as Heathers and Can’t Hardly Wait.

The premise is incredibly over the top, and the ground has been so desperately well-trod, but to blame him for both of these is like yelling at a baby for spitting up food.  High school is the fertile ground of the writer, and lord knows I’ve plumbed it with many of my screenplays.  But even though it has those hurdles to clear, it’s such a sparklingly hilarious narrative, and the writing style just pops off the page, that you don’t care.  You’re with them, no matter that the hero’s bully is ex-military, and is quite literally trying to kill him.

Our hero is Denis Cooverman, The Coove to his friends (okay, well just the one) and The Penis to everyone else.  His best friend is Richard Munsch, and despite the fact that YES he really did name a character Dick Munsch, it so fucking works in the narrative.  Denis is a nerd in every sense of the word, so of course he’s valedictorian.  And he takes the opportunity to write a speech where he essentially confesses his love for the head cheerleader as well as outing his movie-quote spouting, sexually-ambiguous buddy and dissing the richest bitch in the entire class.

The rest of the story takes us through the night after graduation.  To say the plot progress suspends disbelief would be the equivalent of saying that Cheetos are “kinda orange”.  But as I said, the characters are so well-developed and interesting, and the narration is fucking brilliant, so you are willing to go along for the ride, even when it involves driving a Hummer over someone’s front lawn and an asswhooping that would make John McClane shout, “Oh, come ON!”

I don’t know how well this will translate to generations below the drinking age.  I feel like it’s one of those perfectly capsulated novels that while taking place today, is written for twentysomethings and thirtynothings, because of all the references.  It’s for the generation that grew up on John Hughes, and when trying to show teens that today, some get it and some just…don’t.

My only regret is that this was immediately snatched up for option and will be a vehicle featuring Hayden Panietteire as the titular crush, Beth Cooper.  Not that I have anything against her (she’s obviously got a few badass cheerleaders on her resume, and I love her despite what they are doing to her in the press and on Heroes).  No, what disappoints me is that the movie will be undoubtedly lamed down to PG-13, when the novel is unabashedly R, and potentially NC-17.  Also, since most of what makes this so funny is that it takes place from Denis’s viewpoint and internal narrative, so I’m not sure what they will do with it, except horribly water it down and spike it with cat piss. 

Either way, snag the book and read it first.  It’ll go down smooth like microbrew.